I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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