the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I look better un-naked...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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