New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
