I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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