rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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