U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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