I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
