Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
