I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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