Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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