I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
