There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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