Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
