I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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