My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize