It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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