Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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