Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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