Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
