His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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