If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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