My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
