alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
