You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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