thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
