when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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