Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize