1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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