I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
