He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
