you traded sex for a burrito?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
