dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
