I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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