Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how does that bad decision feel?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
