Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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