I think I won the penis lottery.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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