her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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