you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
