You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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