in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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