Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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