Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
