I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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