Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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