You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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