I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
