I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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