I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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