I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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