We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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