nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As shirtless as possible
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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