He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
