My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
