Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A+ Viking dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
