guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
