That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
