just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
