I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
