so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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