Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize