if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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