I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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