i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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