Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
