this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
