you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
