I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We talked him into tasing himself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
