Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
